UPK results in....not OK!

It's been a truly trying week.
We got our Universal Pre-K results.
Jack got waitlisted at every school we put on our list, including PS 20, our zoned school in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. He got an offer at a school we have never even heard off, outside of our district.

UPK is a truly wonderful thing, helping to alleviate the incredibly high cost of childcare for working parents here in NYC. But my goodness - the struggle!

The worst part is that I blame myself. We did everything we could - we got the application in the day the NYC Schools platform opened (the evening before actually, I logged on and saw it opened early). We only included 6 schools vs. the maximum of 12 or 15 that we were allowed. But we put only the schools that we wanted to send him to, as directed. But the problem is - we were cocky. We thought we'd get in. We didn't establish a true back up plan. I have been lucky with things like this my whole life, and I just thought - he is zoned for PS 20, let the gods look down upon us and make it so.

So now here we are...in wait-land. Waiting to see if Jack gets into a 2nd choice school that we are not zoned for, in a less than convenient location from us. Waiting and hoping that our current private school does not fill up for next year, so that we still have that as a backup option.

I took this time off from my job, well quit, thinking it would be this luxuriously enriching time. More time for me - to care for my health, to care for my self, to enrich my spirit and soul with classes and books and movies and meet ups and events...to spend more time with my son, to figure out life more broadly and generally. It has not worked out like that.

It feels like every week, a new bomb is thrown our way. It detonates and we scramble, trying to figure out what to do next. I spent all of Tuesday in a womblike state after Monday's results came in.

(This is a little bit ridiculous I know. This is not a life or death situation. Where Jack goes to Pre-K is not going to significantly impact or alter for better or worse his future development and life prospects. But still, it matters. Because we want him to go to a good school, of course, and because proximity matters and lack of it impacts our entire family.)

Wednesday, I biked around multiple Brooklyn boroughs, stopping at our 6 listed schools to find out Jack's status on the waitlists, and to the DOE (Dept of Edu) and lastly, to the DOE welcome center for our District and zone (13).

At least now, I have more information. I know where he stands. PS 20 is a complete and utter stretch - a unicorn in the realm of the UPK system. And it is a system. A very imperfect system. I'm so glad for it. And I'm so mad at it too.

Dry Clothes, Wet Eyes

Written August 12, 2018

The owner of our local laundromat comes towards me as I was pulling my dried clothes out of the 2nd dryer I had used and says to me, “you are a strong woman.”

The timing was right. At that moment I was feeling pretty frustrated and overwhelmed in life - about work, caring for my all hands on deck child, feeling like there is no time for me, wondering why I am 41 years old and am still hauling laundry to and from the laundromat. All these things are running through my head as he says these words and I think, “this person sees me”. In that split second, my initial thought is that the owner of the laundromat sees all that I am doing, as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, to keep our ship afloat, to keep our everyday moving smoothly, to keep us in clean clothes...the hauling of the child, the hauling of laundry, the intensity of living in NYC. He see this, knows I need recognition, and is going to give me just that.

But no, that was not it at all. He went on to show me how to properly, and much more gently, close the dryer machine door.

Here I am!

So....3 years have passed...

Everything and nothing has changed.
Jack is nearly 4 years old.
We are still in the same apt in Fort Greene. It no longer feels like positive change (see earlier blog post).
I just resigned from my job. Big news!
I am in the process of adjusting to my new life, a new life pace, and am trying to set the foundation for what I want to do next.
I am still "figuring it out". And...
...inevitably, I'm still Stuck & Dry!

I have written quite a few bits and pieces since I have quit, and even before, and I am going to start copying them over...the posts won't be in chronological order, but better to have the writing than not....I thought about creating a new blog, but I already have so many that I have started and then stopped. I'd rather to keep following through, and continue this trajectory...

Tiny=adorable

Breaking the Bundle One Stick at a Time

My Dad loved quotes, and one of the great ones he used to repeat was "break the bundle one stick at a time".

It is a great quote, but it's not really in my nature to break the bundle one stick at a time. I'm kind of an attack until it is finished kind of person. I generally hate lingering/unfinished business hanging over my head. I want to be done with it and move onto the next thing. This sometimes leads me to "beat a dead horse" (to incorporate another great saying) for the sake of completion.

But since I have had Jack, I have come to (have had to) appreciate the value of incrementality, of doing things in small bits. When you have a newborn child, you generally can't always finish what you start, in a linear sequence. This applies to projects both large and small. For instance, it took me three days to complete a simple apple crisp recipe this week...Day 1: peeled and chopped the apples, Day 2: did nothing, Day 3: made the crispy topping and finally, baked!  Perhaps there is a market opportunity in extreme slow food for moms? But I digress...

It can be very frustrating at times when simple things (e.g. showering) become elevated to the level of projects and when our lives seem to be in a constant state of interruption (e.g. applying lotion to one's body has now become a project in and of itself and cannot, often, be completed directly after shower project). But on the flip side, there is value.

Forced interruption can be a good thing: it can remind us to give whatever we are doing a little breathing room. Sometimes things - especially things which require thought - turn out much better if you can put them down for a few hours, or sometimes a few days. Sometimes we need to give them a little space. Other times, they are so large that you can't possibly figure them out all at once. You need to tackle one part first and see how it plays out, before you can figure out your next move.

Here's too chipping away at things in bits, one stick at a time, and living a more incremental and, perhaps, thoughtful life. Apple crisp is always worth waiting for.

Bringin' back the pack

I was both delighted and disturbed to see the recent feature in the New York Times magazine a couple of weeks back on the virtues of the fanny pack. Delighted, because the writing is hysterical, and so true. Disturbed, because I had only recently declared (to myself and to my husband, and also to my mom), that I wanted to bring back the fanny pack, for moms.

Then - boom! - this article comes out and now everyone will think that I read it and followed suit. Oh well, small price to pay. I am going with it...the fanny pack is THE ideal fashion accessory for new moms. Easy, hands free access to your keys, your $, your phone, all while hiding your slow to disappear, still-distended belly. It doesn't get better. Bam. Happy Thursday Ladies.

Ease in...

...and nearly another two months later, I am back! This is quite a pace I am setting...

In the meantime, Jack and Johnny and I moved - to Fort Greene! What a wonderful neighborhood for new moms, my goodness. Seems like such a strong, vibrant community. I loved Brooklyn Heights but the difference in energy is night and day.

After 9 years living in a 465 square foot 1 bedroom apartment, it feels so wonderful to have positive change. We are renting a light filled and spacious (relatively) 2 bedroom...it feels glorious. Despite the downgrade in amenities (no dishwasher, no washer/dryer), it feels more luxurious. I think/I know I was going a bit batty in my little living room...there was no where to go, I just kind of had to circle the living room. I felt like I was living that creepy short story I read in high school - The Yellow Wallpaper - only our living room is grey, and painted. I've got to reread that one sometime - in my free time!

So many topics I have collected to write about...but I keep getting stalled out and it takes some easing back in, forcing me to write ease in entries before I get to what I actually wanted to write about. I need to get much better about writing when the thinking strikes me, or else I feel the topic loses its interest (to me at least), and might feel a little forces/stale.

All for this ease in entry...hope to be back very very soon.