MAT LEAVE: DAY 5

Today, Tuesday, is my 5th day of Mat Leave.

It was another good day. Gorgeous out - 80+ degrees and sunny for the most part.

I bagged my dreams of making homemade chocolate croissants after seeing I'd need to purchase a kitchen scale as well as a dough hook for my Cuisinart or hand mixer. There were just one too many steps on top of that…now is not the time.

SO! Instead - I used up all the brown, frozen bananas in the fridge and made 3 loaves of banana bread. 2 for us, 1 for my family - I'll bake that one tomorrow so I can bring it upstate with me on Thursday. Something funky happened with my first loaf - maybe the baking soda is too old, or maybe it is just undercooked…it's delicious but Johnny is going to kill me because it seems really underdone and he is trying to protect me from myself in terms of what I put into my belly while pregnant. I think it's ok.

Also ran some errands - finally found something at Michelle NYC on Atlantic that I think my mom will like (this is going back to store credit I had there since the old days of Stuck & Dry - Feb 2014). I also got a gift for my sis there, for her 40th bday on Sunday. The events just keep coming! I haven't even mentioned that I have my 20th high school reunion on Saturday…looking forward to with dread.

MAT LEAVE: DAY 4

I have a ton of little things to do..maybe I am creating these little things as a way to keep myself busy…I am definitely staying busy, but also relaxing. Yesterday I had lunch at Ted & Honey (in the park), and started a book my sister had read - "Maya's Notebook". I am enjoying it a lot so far. I liked this quote from Maya's grandmother on p.7: "Look, kiddo, there are moments when a person has no control over their own life - things happen, that's all." This feels like one of those times for me, on a number of levels.

I walked to Target and later went to the Gap - got some much needed maternity shirts for summer. Popped by Babies R Us in city - holy consumption glut…it was an overwhelming experience and I had to leave. Got my moles checked out by Dermatologist (all good!) and then tried to throw some clothes away at home.

A good mix of nice day with getting things done…

MAT LEAVE: 1ST WEEKEND

Thursday (5/7) I headed upstate to be with my family. There is a lot going on there, a lot of sadness, a lot happening in terms of the other spectrum of the cycle of life…but I'll save that for another day. It's enough to say right now that I will be going upstate quite a bit over these next few months.

I came back on Saturday so that Johnny and I could go to the second half of our birthing class on Sunday. We had dinner with Clappi at Jack that night. Class on Sunday was good - kind of adds to the anxiety around the birthing experience as much as it does mentally prepare you…I kind of wonder whether going in blind is not a better approach…ignorance is bliss as they say…

After class, we caught the afternoon showing of X Machina - enjoyable - down at Battery Park City, followed by some ice cream from Shake Shack (free cup of red velvet for Mother's Day!), a stroll to Tear Drop Park and then to Battery Park to lounge and read the papers. It was really nice. We wrapped up with Whole Foods, Blue Apron for dinner, and Game of Thrones for dessert (plus, actual dessert).

1 year, nearly 3 months later...

So here I am, after nearly 1 year and 3 months of not writing. And a lot has changed. A LOT. Related to the topic at hand with this blog, the biggest change is that I am pregnant! 36 weeks pregnant. I don't want to jinx myself and say I am in the homestretch, but many would say, I am indeed in the homestretch.

It feels like a gaping black hole to have not written for such a long, critical time in the "process" or, in my "journey". There is such a lot that I could fill you in on but I don't feel like going there right now.

The sun is shining, its 80-something degrees. I am on my 5th day of maternity leave, and I don't want to talk about how I got here and what I went through, right now at least. Right now, I want to switch gears. I want to talk about all the ways I am embracing this generous generous amount of leave that my company has given me. I want to take some notes, leave some thoughts, and share some thinking if not every day, than nearly every day, so I can remember this time and know that I have not let it go to waste. Keep me honest, blog.

So let me bring you up to speed on what I have been up to since I left the office and didn't look back on Thursday afternoon….

Stuck

This blog is about me being "stuck". Not just when it comes to pregnancy, but in life in a more general sense. Maybe this blog can help me, in even a little way, to get myself "unstuck". And in that way, maybe it is a place I can capture things that inspire me, that will help me to move forward, as well as documenting the more mundane and, frankly, depressing aspects of my day to day related to fertility. Let's see how it goes, that is all I can say. But on the more humorous, and uplifting side, here is another "manifesto" of sorts that I liked a lot.

Im back

It's been over a year since I wrote that last, and my first, post. Lots has happened and nothing has happened. I am realizing how depressing that post is. Why would anyone want to read that? Is this for me, or for other people? Why do I feel like this is a form of sitting here and feeling sorry for myself. Or, is it cathartic? Who knows. I am going to try it for a bit and see how it goes and what it might evolve into. At the very least, yes - hopefully there is some catharsis in getting it out. And at best? Who knows. Not even sure what I want out of it when it comes right down to it. I don't want this to be all gloom and doom and about my "struggles". That is so lame. And it is not the full picture. I have so much. And maybe that is worth capturing as well.

I saw this manifesto in the bathroom of Fedora on friday. I like it.

Encouraging news -

Just came across this article from ABC News, covering recent research by the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology. The study shows that cumulative infertility treatments, like IVF, lead to greater success rates. A silver lining.